Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
