I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
