Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
