the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The beer is more important than you right now.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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