Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
