Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
