Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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