That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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