I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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