new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Quick, to the slutcave!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
