don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
