Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
