I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
