It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
