I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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