is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
