Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
