last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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