Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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