awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
