I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
