love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
