Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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