just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
