Screwed.edu
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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