and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
