overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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