you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
