I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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