you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
