did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
