He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
