Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
