After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
