guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
