yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want nice things and good sex
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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