And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
