She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
