you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
