I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
