you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Can I color on your dick again?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
