Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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