I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
