Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
