I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
