I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
