It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize