So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
