And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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