Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
