Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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