after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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