you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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