I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
