Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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