one might say we're banned from that church
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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