Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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