question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Your penis caused this!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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