He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
