i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Barsexuality is the new black.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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