4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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