luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
