If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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