kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
only you would photoshop your dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
