THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
