he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
