I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
