Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
