haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
