Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
