Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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