You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize