u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
