Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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