It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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