Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
