mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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