Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
