Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
