Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
