operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
