Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
