i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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