Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
