he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
