I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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