The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize