Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
